More Kwanzaa

DAY 4, December 29 COOPERATIVE ECONOMICS
The principle for this day allows you to go after your dreams with an open heart: "To build and maintain our own stores, shops and other businesses and to profit from them together." This is where we create something that solves a problem for others and creates a profit for us. There is a way to help and to have. What (righteous) problem could you solve? What kind of economic legacy could leave behind? Let your business mind get to work, but remember to choose something that you believe. That way you will stick with on the tough days.

DAY 5, December 30 PURPOSE
Generally speaking purpose is each one of us discovering why we are here, our assignment in the earth. This is where we learn to live a life that truly matters. In terms of Kwanzaa, the meaning of purpose is "to make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore . . ." We change and impact our environment for the good. We don't complain about our pain and our past (we are aware), but rather we actively work at changing not only our future, but the future of our community, starting with one person, one solution at a time.

DAY 6, December 31 CREATIVITY
And Today's focus is creativity, where we pull all of our skills and abilities together and create what we create with excellence, style and effectiveness. Do you have an idea? Well get to the business of planning it out, establishing a team to support you, and executing it. There is always room for beauty and brains.

Tomorrow we will cover the final and in my opinion the most important principle. Keep in mind, if God is not a part of it, then you are loosing power.

-MizJAI-

Baby Steps: Kwanzaa

There is a holiday between Christmas and New Year's Day that many of us do not celebrate, that's Kwanzaa. We forget or never truly understood what it was about and so we let it pass by us. Kwanzaa is a celebration of Family, Community & Culture created by Dr. Maulana Karenga in 1966. It lasts for seven days and consists of seven principles (one principle a day).

It's the kind of information, that when applied can change anyone's life. Kwanzaa was created to reinforce specific principles. So let's take a quick peak here:

DAY 1, December 26 UNITY
As my dad says, unity is not something that just happens, we have to work at it. The goal is to possess unity among your family, then your community, the nation that you are a part of as well as your race. If we worked to get over hating ourselves and the people who look like us, if we worked to understand our history, redefine and shape our country, if worked to exercised the God given power that we possess to impact our community for Him--then our little place in the world will change, one dynamic relationship at a time.

DAY 2, December 27 SELF-DETERMINATION
One of the challenges of life is discovering who you really are and making sure that that person is who you truly want to be. Not only that, but learning to be comfortable in your own skin every day no matter the company you find yourself in. Being you should be natural, but honestly, discovering-uncovering-accepting ourselves is a challenge. But being able to stand in a room, filled with people who may not understand you yet-who may be judging you still, and know that you are qualified to be where you are is liberating and life changing for you and the awkward child watching you and watching the world trying to find their place and a way to fit in. You proactively determine your life and the quality of your community, don't just wait for someone who may not even care about you to define who you are. You call yourself by your name and you live a life of character and grace that gives that name meaning.

DAY 3, December 28 COLLECTIVE WORK & RESPONSIBILITY
Our life is about more than ourselves. My pastor always says that 'a rising tide raises everything in the ocean.' In other words, if I go up, you go up. If you go up, then I go up. It should be common that we actively and positively impact your community. It should be common that we care about another woman's child and another family's well-being. It should be common that we are givers. It should be common knowledge and action that we involved . . . Today is Ujima (pronounced 'oo gee mah'), which is Collective Work & Responsibility. If you have not been a positive impact in your community on purpose, then find a productive way to give back today. And brainstorm about how to systematically impact your community for Christ in a practical way, because life is so much bigger that just you, so live like it.


We will re-discover all seven of the principles of Kwanzaa together in the next few days.

Keep in mind, Americans have a story, men have a story, women have a story, black people have a story, the human race has a story. It is imperative that we understand our stories, know who we are and allow God to use the total package to change the world around us into something beautiful more days than not . . .

-MizJAI-

DAY 4, December 29 COOPERATIVE ECONOMICS
DAY 5, December 30 PURPOSE
DAY 6, December 31 CREATIVITY
DAY 7, January 1 FAITH

Good Morning and . . .

-MizJAI-

Twas the night before . . .

Tomorrow is Christmas. And if you are like the average American, then you still have some shopping to do. But if you are one the few who are finished, then you are in a beautiful position to enjoy the day. To take an unexpected nap, to bake some cookies, to take a walk with your family, to consider the things that matter the most, to pick up a surprise gift for a person that you hardly know that might need it--to live outside of the Christmas crunch and help someone around you do the same. And if not, then make it your mission to end the mad dash early and to settle in on some bonding time this evening inside of the usual Christmas eve duties. Let's see if we can have a few hours this evening to 'chill' with the people that we love (and you'll be surprised, family is everywhere . . .

Oh, those sleigh bells

Find something different to do as a family. Several malls are offering free sleigh rides in the mall area. Peachtree City is doing it at the Avenue and the new mall near Dilliards in Newnan is doing the same thing (on the weekends). But if you have your mind set on greater heights, then there are several companies that give rides through downtown Atlanta starting at $50 a ride. Google it and then go for it. The 'sleigh bells ring, are you listening?'

-MizJAI-

A Christmas Dove

-MizJAI-

One more week . . .

It's official! Christmas is one week away!

Are you ready? Well, regardless of the gifts that you think you don't have yet, you are ready to show love. If your money is funny this Christmas, consider the beautifully homemade gifts. I have a few tips below:

1. Since you have pulled out the cameras since you read Let's Make a Memory, you probably have plenty of pictures by now :-). Consider cropping and framing the best of them as gifts.

2. Or maybe you are an excellent singer (note the word excellent) or a hilarious performer, then make your family a cd single of their favorite Christmas song, then they can add it to their Christmas season playlist (and if you do a great job, it will set the season off next year).

3. Can you cook? Then let your gift be a feast. Or if you want to put it under the tree, then create tiny, tasty, delicacies and wrap them up.

4. Consider playing around with that vacation footage and make a movie using the software that automatically comes with most computers (movie maker for PCs or iMovie for Macs--with the mac it's not automatic, but the download is 79.99 and comes with a whole lot of extra stuff that makes the price well worth it, plus online tutorials).

So, we've 'got' movies to make, music to record, cooking to do, photos to work on and any other creative idea that you come up with. Think of it this way, while everyone is trapped in the chaos of the largest shopping days of the year, crowded and locked in mall traffic, you get to be at home, creating your 'masterpiece.' Have at it.

-MizJAI-

Don't loose the Spirit . . .

We knew as children who Santa Claus was, because he ate his oranges the same way Daddy does. But we still had to go to bed early and left out cookies for Santa(we didn't want to treat Santa better than Daddy).

And we learned that there was a real, living and breathing Saint Nicholas who used to leave gifts in the window sills of people's homes. His gifts always seemed to be life savers. And since he lived at least a century ago, it taught me that being a giver is to leave a legacy.

Today, my family (and an entire army of givers) is St. Nicholas to twenty boys plus ever Christmas. There are gifts under the tree, but I believe the biggest gift is our time and care. We fuss over their gifts the way our parents fussed over ours. And that's what matters: people seeing who you are, fighting for you, remembering you, celebrating you, even if we started out as strangers. Find a way to get past the commercialism and leave a legacy of giving . But whatever you do, don't loose the Spirit.

Believe . . .

If I could sprinkle fairy dust on some people and extend the spirit of innocence that is supposed to be a part of childhood, I would. Because some of us have it snatched away too early, seduced from us too soon, and some down right give it away with open arms, not truly realizing what they've done until it's too late.

Oh, but we should stay young, and by youth I don't mean immaturity. We should stay fresh and relevant and excited about life so that the people around us can catch on and learn something new. Cynics are everywhere, we don't need you joining that club. And blind optimist can be irritating. But if you could learn to believe with eyes wide open, then you could effectively change the air around you . . . You don't even need fairy dust to stay young at heart, just a little more hope and a little more faith and a little more trust in God than what you have right now and you could really impact somebody's life, starting with your own.

Believe.

-MizJAI-

I'm Too Cool for Christmas Music

Have you ever noticed how 'cool' the average teenager tries to be? The code of conduct that they ascribe to and the litany of things that they automatically don't like just because . . . Is Christmas music on your child's (niece's, nephew's, neighbor's son, young cousin's) list as corny? Play it anyway. Let these songs become a part of their Christmas memories.

Be sure to pay attention and learn from them as well. I will be looking for Chris Brown's Christmas song today, simply because the kids in my Wednesday class told me about it. The conversation went something like this . . .

"Aw more Christmas music."
"Yes, it's Christ-mas-time."
"Play that Chris Brown."
"Only if he's singing Christmas."
"He is. He is!"
"Then I'll check it out."

Do you. Create for the children around you (especially the teenagers) little moments that they wouldn't learn to create without you. Add their flavor to what you create and you will be timeless . . .

-MizJAI-

Family Missing In Action . . .

When the holidays come, it has a tendency to magnify the hole that may already be in your soul. Nothing is wrong with you. Life is happening and your heart is aching regardless of the season. But don't let it overtake you. Do something now. Consider being with your family and just sitting still together and remembering . . . and when you are done, get up together and go do something wonderful that the person you miss would do.

And if the person you miss is alive but on the other side of the country or the world, then create something that will make their day like a photo album, a cool website that they can see, a movie. In other words, make a memory and send it, reminding them that you love them and even though you are strong (I know you are) life just 'ain't the same' without them.

-MizJAI-

Don't Let the Overwhelm Get To You

With all the work to be done it's easy to drown in the doing and never enjoy the season. By now, you already know what I'm about to say: 'STOP for a second, slow everything down for one moment, take 30 minutes and spend on you.' Go to a near by lake, and just decompress or find a tree and sit under it like Deborah did (a story for another day).

And if you are not the one with all the responsibilities for the season, then give them 30 minutes of their own, they need it.

Let's Make a Memory

I have just attended my second of at least five parties for the year, and as I only slightly irritated everybody with my camera-and-camcorder-in-your-face-for-the-best-shot-and-the-sake-of-the-season-so-act-right antics, it occured to me that you guys should do the same: Make a Memory. Pull out that camcorder that no one has been using or pick up an instamatic camera and get that shot (for the sake of the season) . . .

Help is on the way . . .

With everything that is happening in the world,

1. it is a perfect time to think of others, and

2. a reason to do things to make the air around you special,

People need company from a sincere and empathetic friend, but sometimes, they also just need a break from the drama. Some families are facing divorce this season, some are separated because one member is in the war and the other is on the home front keeping the family strong and the house together. Many are facing financial challenges, more than usual with all the pending foreclosures because of the backlash of creative financing from 5 years ago. And here you sit in the middle of it all. I ask you, what will you do with your Christmas?

If you are facing tragedy and you are strong enough to find a true smile, then smile anyway because there is some woman that needs to see it. If you are on the verge of going under and you can find the strength to hold yourself up a little longer till help comes, then hold on, because there is some man that needs to see your resilience, your strength, your simple refusal to give up. If you are on the outside looking in, then get to studying and praying until you find the perfect way to give back and help in your own way. It may be prayers, empathy, presence, and/or a secret and necessary gift, but trust that God will give a tasteful way to bring the Merry into someone's Christmas.

This season is to celebrate that help is on the way. A child was born who would deliver us, and no matter what it looks like, hold on, because help is on the way . . .

-MizJAI-

Reclaiming Your Christmas, dealing with death during the holidays

First of all you are not alone. Many of us have lost loved ones during the holiday season. And sometimes it just doesn't matter when you lost them, you miss them at Christmas. It's ok to feel your loss as long as you don't allow it to take you under. So how do we celebrate the people we miss without being overwhelmed with pain and drowning in our loss. How do we find the joy in the holiday season?

We become what we miss the most for another person.

You miss your grandmothers or your parents. Then become that spirit for another person. Use your talents to bless someone else and quiet as it's kept, it will liberate you from your pain. You still may feel the heaviness in the mornings and the evenings, but while you give it lifts (at least for a time). And as you begin to taste these moments of life again, the best parts of you want more because we were meant for joy. I have spent Christmas after Christmas taking care of other people's children. And that fact has been a saving grace during some of the most challenging times of my life: death of family members and death of a marriage.

There are three things that I do to reclaim not only my Christmas:

1). Redirecting myself so that I can focus my energy on something that will lift me up and not allow me wallow around depressed has saved my life (and I know I'm not the only one).

2). Realizing their life, instead of focusing on the pain of their death, has had me laughing even as the tears fall. When it's all said and done I still have a life to live and the fact that I have loved someone that has come and gone is reason enough to live a life that matters because people will see the person I love in small ways through you.

3). Rejoicing at the best in them that has become a part of me and leaving the pain on the table is my constant way out. I have felt like a fat man trying to shed a hopeless amount of pounds: but, it seemed like the more I walked it out, heavy weight and all, the lighter I began to feel (day after day after day). The pain can be temporary, the heart beat of who the where in your life and who they are in your heart can be eternal. Rejoice in that and let the pain go.

I love you.

-MizJAI-

You have to work at it . . .

My dad says that "you have to work at it." He was talking about Christmas and how children make our reactions to the Holidays very natural, you simply go all out because there are children around. But once people grow up and move on, we have a tendency to move away from completely letting loose into the Christmas spirit. Well I say, "there are some things that we should never out grow:"

our joy at experiencing something new

the pleasure of singing carols and laughing out load

the beauty in your family traditions, and if you have none then make your own for your children to pass on. Don't come up with anything crazy as you hope to pass it down from generation to generation.

If you have been playing your music and taking a little time to drink in the moments, then the Grinch in you is beginning to die (Yea!).

What about building up your collection of Christmas movies. Just start with one and add another each year so that you don't break the bank. When I was little we always watched It's a Wonderful Life (it's an old black and white that my dad loves). When I have kids, I will probably bring them over to Grandma's house to watch It's a Wonderful Life with Grandpa (whether they like it or not :-), they will like it at least while they are really little.

I'm daydreaming, but I'm just saying the simplest traditions make the holidays special, so have at it.

-MizJAI-

On the Second Day of Christmas . . . a miracle happened in my mind

We are the ones that make it happen. We play the music that creates the atmosphere, we take the moments to give something meaningful to a stranger in need, we teach the ones around us how to live for more than just ourselves, and we create the space to slow down for a minute and breath in the moment of this Christmas. Don't wait to get started because Christmas is now, so do something special today to celebrate the season . . . I think I will wrap a gift (early!)

MizJAI

On the First Day of Christmas . . .

On the first day of Christmas I realized that I can't do everything, so in all my doing I will do the things that matter most . . . smile and laugh and take moments in the middle of my day to feel the sun, to hear the Christmas music and to smile for no reason other than just because . . . and to write.

-MizJAI-

It's Christmas Season!

Gospel Nerve is officially taking a break from the PRO Series, just to ensure that we set this season off just right. It's Christmas Season and with it usually comes so much work and the spending of so much money.

This year let's begin with something a little less expensive, Christmas music. Take it upon yourself to set the Christmas atmosphere where ever you go. Bring your own joy and bring your own music. So many times we rush through this season, we barely even smell the air or drink in the truth of what it really is: A holy and a beautiful time to slow down (not speed up) and enjoy people and the music and giving and laughter.

Let's start now. Go gather together your favorite 12-25 Christmas songs (to begin with). If you swear you hate Christmas music begin with something like itunes where you can search by the song (not the album) and pay for what you really want. There is probably a Christmas song in your style. Consider:


* Patti Labelle singing "Nativity"

* The Temptations singing "This Christmas" (& nobody does it better!)

* Boys to Men singing "Let It Snow"

* Dianne Reeves singing "This Time of Year"

* TLC singing/rapping "Sleigh Ride"

* Mary Mary singing "Carol of the Bells"

* Mariah Carey singing "All I Want for Christmas"

* Luther Vandross singing "This is Christmas"


Enjoy your search for the best Christmas song collection and set the atmosphere where ever you go. Be natural, be you and the people around will catch on (and enjoy the atmosphere you set). Start with music always playing in your home.

-MizJAI-

She's a PRO 31:24, You Need to Be On the Other Side . . .

We have already redefined what the market means in She's a PRO 31:16. Do a quick review so that you don't forget that we should position ourselves to be on the other side of the counter.

Thanksgiving has just passed and I am sure you either noticed or participated in black friday, by shopping or taking advantage of a sale. But the name itself lets us know that the day is not about us. It's about merchants receiving as much of the financial pie as they can from us (the consumers) during the holiday season. Instead of being in the red, our shopping puts them in the black. Now, what can we do to put ourselves in the same place. [Even though they hype it up with marketing the biggest spending day of the year is actually the weekend before Christmas (we last minute shoppers do it again).]

EXERCISE. Consider ways that you can change your role. The PRO "makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them." She provides a product that solves a real problem and markets it to the public. Not only that, but she creates and sells products to the merchants themselves (girdles that hold their items and free up their hands for work). In other words, this woman's customers are regular people like me and you, as well as business owners and merchants. Now that's savvy. I want you to daydream, what problem can you solve, package and sale? And if you already know, then what is one marketing venue that you can do, that you haven't considered or tried yet? Run the numbers, sometimes things cost less than you think and there are all kinds of creative ways to get what you need professionally.

We will become a team of PROs. We cannot get around the call to "cultivate our own land." And we'll become new women along the way . . .

-MizJAI-

She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one up for service]. Proverbs 31:24 AMP

She's a PRO 31:23, Part C--Character is the Sexy

I heard a woman on the radio yesterday discussing the type of men that women choose. One thing caught my attention, she said, "if the man you meet at the club at 2:00 AM in the morning and that you slept with last night turns out to be a dog, what did you expect? What is any respectable woman doing at 2:00 AM in the morning that she can not do at 10:00 AM."

So many of us want men, but for different reasons. Now, don't lie to yourself, it's OK and respectable and romantic and human to want companionship (for a lifetime). It's just this, are we choosing for the right reasons and are we positioning ourselves to meet the right men? If you are willing to deal with the truth, then you are willing to set yourself up for a beautiful future.

I am not saying that you need a man that has accomplished all his dreams when you meet him. I'm saying, you need a man that has conquered his character issues when you meet him. In other words, he knows the difference between a lie and the truth and chooses the truth. He knows how to show kindness without being a pushover. He knows how to be firm without being violent. He knows what real love is even as he waits to experience it with you. You need a real man of character who is secure in his own skin, and then, all the other things that you like.

EXERCISE. Consider this: have I ever chosen a man because I needed a way out? have I ever settled because no one else was there? have I ever chose for looks first, character second and then paid the price later? have I ever thought I could change a man's character, and then later realized he had no desire to change?

We don't have to be perfect when we meet the man of our dreams and neither does our man, but one thing must be fundamental in our choosing:
1. We will not be unequally yoked. If you are saved and filled with the Holy Spirit and actively in love with God, then you need a man that is the same. If you tell the truth even when a lie would be easier, then you need a man who is the same. If you are a giver, then you need a man who is the same. If you are humble and hate pride, then you need a man who is the same way.

This post is for single ladies who are in the process of choosing. Choose wisely so that you can break the standards of failing, violent and/or boring marriages. Be painfully honest with yourself. & Involve God in your decision so that it can last for a lifetime. Be the kind of woman who gives your man a great reflection. Choose the kind of man who is qualified to sit in the city gates at the appointed time.

MizJAI

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP

She's a PRO 31:23, Part B--Why Did You Choose That Man, over and over and over again . . .

Or maybe you are the woman who sees hope in everything and everyone, but you haven't realized that every man is not your assignment and that some fundamental things must be settled before God would ever give him to you. What do I mean? Is he extremely insecure? Is he violent? Does he have too much to prove or is he comfortable in his own skin and comfortable with you being you?

You know what the answers should be . . . so ask yourself the questions and tell yourself the truth. As long as you are willing to deal with you, then you are woman enough to let go when you should let go and hold on when you should hold on . . .

Unless . . .
you just feel overwhelmed and the need to be rescued; So you are willing to respond to anyone on a white horse, because you need a way out of your status quo. Not realizing that you can mount your own horse and ride out of your dark night, and meet your prince along the way to freedom (or where ever you're going). Don't choose a man or allow a man to choose you simply because you need a change. Stand up and create your own change. You will meet a much healthier man when you remove the desperation from your motives for love. Whether conscious, subconscious or whatever we want to call it; just tell yourself the truth, so that you can get to living a better dream.

MizJAI

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP

She's a PRO 31:23, Part A--You Chose That Man!

'A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband . . .' Proverbs 12:4 AMP

We are a reflection that impacts our mates life. Who we choose to love demonstrates our value system and our preferences. What is excellent in our men demonstrates an excellence in us (that may or may not exist inside of us yet, but it is a present reflection and we need to know that it is there). Conversely, his weaknesses also reflect on us, so we need to choose wisely.

We are not responsible for a person's every action and move, but if we find that we keep picking man after man and that he has the same traits (and they are traits that we hate), then we need to do something about our reflection and the reasons behind the men that we choose.

We should be choosing men who possess the wisdom to 'sit among the elders of the land.' But first we have to deal with ourselves and get to the heart of what's really going on.

Are you the woman who likes to fix everything and consequently you choose broken men so that you feel needed as you work to repair whatever you see as broken inside of them?

Or maybe you are the type that's looking for Prince Charming to ride in on his white horse and fix everything. But you missed the idea that Cinderella was probably smart and hardworking and humble. She lived among those lazy step sisters of hers for years. She had to come out with thick skin and powerful survival skills. Which meant that when she met her Prince Charming, he may have rescued her, but she was positioned and qualified to rescue him to, to hold his love in her heart and support this man as he ran the kingdom. Maybe you keep choosing 'busta' Prince Charmings because you don't know what a princess is supposed to be like, let alone a prince.

Or maybe . . .

-MizJAI-

Her husband is known in the [city's] gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23 AMP

She's a PRO 31:22

"Her clothing is silk and purple." She's regal and majestic. Her physical beauty is found in her grace, the way she enters a room, and the way she dresses the temple that God gave her. The PRO accessorizes her house in style but she also adorns herself (as well) in style. This rules out the concept that "I work so hard that I have earned the right to let myself go. He should understand." No, he should not, especially when it's an everyday thing.

As women we have so much to do, that sometimes we get overwhelmed and some things slip. It's often the things that have to do with us that slip the most: our health and our appearance. We are women, if our world is so hectic that we can't be, do and look our best, then it's time for something to change. Find a way to gain more control of your time, and if that doesn't seem to be an option right now (because sometimes there are barriers), then find a way to make the time that you do have more efficient. Consider updating your technology or acquiring a team to support you. Consider as many creative options as you can to get your life structured in such a way that best benefits your family and you. But don't forsake you. Maybe you need to get a monthly pedicure without the kids and with your girlfriends, find a smart way to make it happen. Maybe you need to have 30 minutes to yourself walking, then drop the kids off at all their extracurricular activities and you walk while they practice. Maybe you need a day, then trade with another mother. You cover her on Tuesday, she covers you on Thursday. Maybe you can get the grandparents to hook you up every other week. Expect God to give you a real and consistent answer, and when it comes, put it good use.

Your family will enjoy you more when you take care of yourself too. It's OK for the children to know that this is 'mommi time' for the next 30 minutes, so they have to play quietly. Or that today is 'mommi's shopping day.' There's was last weekend (My mother did it, and we adjusted and learned how to consider another person and not just our own needs, and she had three small children at the time. We didn't like her saying it, but once we figured out that she was serious and that how we acted may affect our shopping day, we learned to adjust quickly, and even tried to help her pick out clothes).

There are, however, those women who always dress to the nines. But that's all they do and that will never be enough. Looking the part without delivering the goods will keep a problem in your home. There's no way around it, balance in a requirement ladies. Once we get over feeling sorry for ourselves, pray for the grace and the wisdom to be better and more dynamic women, and get some rest; then the ideas will start flowing and God will show us how to change our lives for the better and look like a queen while we do it.

EXERCISE. Review She's a PRO 31:19 for ideas on how to maximize your time and implement one of the ideas you already came up with. Make sure that you do this before the week is over. Start smiling even as you plan it out, because you know your life is about to change. To maximize my time, I tried to get my hours changed on my job, it hasn't worked yet. I considered hiring a personal assistant, but I went with upgrading my computer so that I could spend less time repairing and nursing my old one and more time writing (because that's my thing). Besides, a better computer and better software will save me time as I update my online store. I'm also considering bartering a skill of mine in exchange for a skill I need, I haven't finished working that one out yet. Bartering is a great way to get what you need when money is an issue, because you simply trade abilities (i.e. create somebody's brochure for their new home business in exchange for sewing your new pillows for the living room). Get it in writing though, because some people are more special than others and better safe than angry later on.

OK, so today just gave us a great excuse to go shopping (not that we need one and with the after Thanksgiving sale just around the corner), so that we can dress like the queens that we are. But, it didn't give us an excuse to go crazy (i.e. using the rent money on your new shoes or the grocery money on another winter jacket). Wisdom is always the order of the day. We can always re-work the wardrobe in our closet and when done right, it can make you feel like it's a brand new outfit.

Now that we have ourselves looking better, let's find out what our man is like . . . yes, even the single women too. A certain kind of woman can predict the nature of the man that she will have. Since he will be the 'product of our most intelligent decision' as my father says, if we check our (honest) thoughts then we can just about figure out what we will choose (anything that will get us out of the mess that we are in or a kind man or a righteous man or a mover and shaker regardless of character). Our value system will show up in the men we love. But that's for tomorrow . . .

-MizJAI-

She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priests and the hallowed cloths of the temple were made]. Proverbs 31:22 AMP

She's a PRO 31:21

She's ready. The PRO is prepared for the worse but expecting the best out of life. She is ready to move, ready to take action, ready to show love, ready to extend grace, ready to hold her ground. Not only that but she takes the time to prepare the people around her. So yes, when the snow comes she has no worries because their needs are stored up for 'such a time as this.' In many ways adversity is a chance to stretch her wings, to use what she knows and to grow. She's human and prefers pleasure to pain, but when challenges arise, deep inside, she knows that she is capable of facing it and thriving on the other side. It is paramount that we understand that she has also taken the time to ensure that the people around her can weather the storm with the same grace.

The Woman of Excellence is a teacher and mother by nature, always imparting precious and powerful things/tools/knowledge into people. Now, before your roll your eyes (you ladies who feel you don't have a mothering instinct) or rush off and start imitating your grandmother (you ladies who are every ready to take care of somebody), you better hold up and learn how to do you.

EXERCISE. It is a simple action that allows you to walk in this kind of grace. Sit down and think for a minute. What do you know that other people in your inner circle do not? What information could you share to help your family "be ready." It doesn't matter who you are. If you are the youngest child or the mother, there is probably something that you discovered that could benefit somebody else in your family. Begin to look for the perfect opportunity to share it with them, because timing and delivery is everything. By now you've noticed that the majority of our exercises are mental. That's because this is the place where our lives begin--with thoughts. If we can learn to shape what happens in our minds, then we can become like our Father and shape our world with the right words, the kind of words that bring life and light.

The PRO trains herself to consider life, every aspect in it and the people around her. She takes pleasure in preparing herself. She reaps the benefit right in the middle of chaos, because she has prepared herself and her family to find the calm no matter what. As my dad says, "There is an anointing in the preparation."

So hop to it ladies, we have a beautiful life to lead, no matter the problems that come our way.

I know that we have been working on the internal things for weeks now, but let's she how fashion plays into being a PRO . . .

-MizJAI-

She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet. Proverbs 31:21 AMP

She's a PRO 31:20 Part B, Giving Back

Some of us will be drawn so completely to serve that it will become our life's work. But the vast majority will have this other life as well. Serving the community can still be a fundamental part of your life and character, even as you raise your own family and live out your dynamic and consuming dreams. We just need to know how.

First off, you don't do every charity (at least at first because you have limited resources. But I must tell you that as you build wealth one of the things that God expects is that you "give to every good work." But that's another post where we can learn how He defines every good work in my life and yours, because we don't all have the same assignments.) You focus in on a few things that you care about tremendously. Secondly, you don't do everything at that charity. You find the specific way that you can be a big help and give in that area consistently and religiously. Thirdly, you choose your time, whether it's once a year, once a month, once a week. Choose a time frame that you can honor. Your goal is to find a way to give consistently so that it is not a one time thing, but in a time frame that doesn't strain your life. Don't misunderstand, giving will be a bit of a sacrifice, but you want it to be a beautiful sacrifice that (for the most part) you look forward to giving.

Making other people's lives better is a tremendous gift that enhances our own lives when we serve with the right kind of attitude for the right reasons. Sunday school teachers are givers. I had a friend who completed an extensive grant for a charity. She gave her time doing something that she knew how to do. It was a one time gift that the charity could not have completed on their own because of time constraints and limited staff. She worked on that grant for three months (what a generous gift). I love photography, I take a-lot of pictures for my favorite charities and make them available digitally at no cost. I love doing it. There are so many ways to give back. Find the one that you can live up to and make it a consistent part of your life. I know a couple who brings the gift of memory every Christmas by purchasing instamatic cameras for each child in our boys' home. They bring it gift wrapped with small little bows on top every Christmas Eve (not only the camera, but the card to pay for developing each roll of film). They've found their niche, and they are consistent.

The PRO knows that life is bigger than her and is quick to 'open her hand to the poor. She reaches out her filled hands to the needy.' But I cannot stress to you how important balance is as we learn how to become women of excellence. This woman embodies so many powerful qualities that a lifetime of practice is a requirement in order to get it right. And that's OK, life is sweeter when we are in motion, moving toward a new and refreshing thing (or rather becoming that new and refreshing thing).

EXERCISE. Yesterday you came up with a one time thing that you could do for somebody else. Take the time to make a list of the kinds of things that you could do consistently for someone in need. Make sure that this list contains things that you don't mind doing and that you are pretty good at doing. Now that your will is set, begin to look for places to serve. When you have found the right place for you, you will know. Make no grandiose promises. Just begin to serve and see how you do . . . "You know, I'm good at that. If you show me what you want on your brochure, I think I could update it for you . . ."

Let's go 'get'em' ladies!

-MizJAI-

She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit]. Proverbs 31:20 AMP

She's a PRO 31:20, Part A

Let me tell a secret to long term success and a lifetime of humility, "What we make happen for another, God will make happen for us." My Dad says this all the time and it keeps proving to be true.

I used to know and hang out with a beautiful, young woman from Zimbabwe (Africa). She moved to the United States and fell in love with an American, a young man that I went to high school with. When my parents heard me talking about her wedding and the fact that her own parents would not be able to be here for it because of the distance, and that the young woman had bought her own dress but the wedding gown that she really wanted was on sale but still more than she could afford at the time, they sent me back to the store and surprised her with her the wedding dress.

A week later I asked them why did they do that, "they didn't even invite you to the wedding." My dad said, "My kids love to travel." My Mom completed his thought, "We want somebody to do that for you, take care of you, help you get your hearts desires, when we can't"

Years later when I was attacked and endangered in Jamaica alone, there where two strangers who gave their best to get me home safely. They covered me like I was their sister and their daughter. Once it was over (and I was safe) I remembered the young woman from Zimbabwe. My mother felt that wanting the best for that woman and helping her to have it was a seed that God honored in Jamaica.

These moments are constant reminders that "we live for the benefit of another (another one of my Dad's sayings)." Life is sweeter when we consider the people around us.

The woman of excellence opens her hands to the poor. She gives the necessary gifts. She is a PRO at kindness and giving back without needing much in return, save the satisfaction of knowing that God honors her service. She covers her community with prayer as well as with her time and with her money. She is a giver.

EXERCISE. Find one thing that you care about and go spend the day helping in this area. Don't ask for money, don't expect money, just give one day helping. What kind of helping? Find out what they need. If they need a tree planted, then get with their tree planter and help. Don't make up something so that you can feel good, but you haven't truly solved a real problem for them. If you are good at teaching, then go tutor for the day or hold a fun art class. If you are great at layouts, maybe you could offer to update the brochures for a home that needs it. If you can dance or sing, maybe you could hold a workshop during the holidays. Get creative, there are all kinds of ways to help the community and one of those ways is bound to be something that you are good at, willing to learn and/or may even be fun to you.

The PRO responds to the community around her with wise answers and kindness. But how do you give back without becoming consumed and overwhelmed? . . .

-MizJAI

She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit]. Proverbs 31:20 AMP

She's a PRO 31:19

The kind of woman whose candle burns by day and night without wearing herself out is not a lazy woman. She is smart with her time.

For the sake of clarity I have some definitions for you guys today. A spindle is a slender, rounded rod with tapered ends used in hand spinning to twist and wind thread from a mass of wool (or flax) held on a distaff. The distaff is the stick onto which wool is wound for spinning. Back in the day the thread sat on the distaff and was spun off as needed by using the spindle and it was considered woman's work.

As things became modernized and automated, the spindle became the piece on which the spinning process revolves around or on. For example, for you music lovers, the spindle is the vertical rod at the center of the turntable that keeps the record in place during play. For people who don't mind a good seat, it's a turned piece of wood used as a banister or a chair leg. And for you sewers, it's a pin or rod used on a spinning wheel to twist thread.

We established in an earlier post that every woman doesn't sew, so let's get to the heart of the matter before somebody starts putting together a shirt with mismatch sleeves (trying to show virtue). The PRO lays her hands to work at the heart of a thing. She supports the core of the process. She exhibits excellence and garners excellence from the people around her. In other words, we are back at this point: We don't do everything, but we make sure everything gets done. What we lay our hands to do, is the heart of the project. Remember, we are the ones who rise early to prepare ourselves and prepare our team. We shape the environment around us. We support and build up. In a lot of ways we are the spindle, holding the records in place while they play, the point at which the flow of our families revolve. Our efforts are sometimes ignored by the very people we love and serve, but we do what we do for more than just praise. We understand the importance of our role. And so we shape the music around us.

EXERCISE. We have to practice putting our hands to the spindle and distaff. Take a moment to evaluate your work (whether at home or at the job). Find something that you do all the time. Are you building a business, creating a website, do you teach, are you over a department? Just search through what you do in the course of a week. Choose one repeating task or project that will take you 3 weeks or more to complete. Now, focus in on this one project. What is the heart of the project? Why are you doing it in the first place? What is the major importance of it and what is the single most important step in the project? Have you figured it out yet? If you are preparing a play, is the most important moment when they perform it live for the first time? If you are teaching a class, is the most important moment the grade on the test or the confidence that you begin to see in your students' eyes? If you are writing a report for your company is the most important moment when you turn it in to your boss or when what you write is taught to the team and incorporated into the company? What you determine to be the most important moment has been shaping your days as you lead up to that moment. Now that you have chosen the most important point to your project, let me suggest something to you: What if the most important moment is the planning that leads to your idea of success? In other words, your goal is a play with an excellent cast that performs it live to a packed audience night after night. In your mind, that's the most important moment. I'm saying take one step back, how will you get there (to that moment) without planning? In other words, the most important moments are the ones you take to create and execute a plan. That's the center of every project. That's the spindle holding the record in place while it plays. That's leadership (by the way) and teamwork. That's a woman of excellence, who is quickly becoming a PRO at successful living on this side of heaven.

Go ahead sister, lay your hand to the spindle and distaff, get to the heart of the matter . . .

-MizJAI-

She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. Proverbs 31:19 AMP

She's a PRO 31:18, Part B

Money is not the object of our affection, God is. Money, on the other hand, is a tool to help us build, create, establish and complete our individual assignments in the Earth. Money is necessary in the world that we live in.

Have any of you ever wondered what it would be like if money wasn't your primary concern? If your basic (food, shelter, clothing) and secondary (vacations, a few cute outfits, a nice car) needs where already met, so that your mind was free to focus on other things, what would you think about? What would you do with your time and mental freedom?

EXERCISE. If you have never thought about it, then take a moment and do it right now. Take out a piece of paper and write down what you would do with your mental freedom, if the concerns for the bills and money for a mini escape disappeared. This exercise frees your mind. It causes you to begin to think like the woman you will become as you step into financial freedom.

If it was hard to come up with stuff to do with your mind, don't worry, plenty of good and bad ideas will come to mind soon, and your job will be to discard the trash and implement the treasure. Ah, life is such a process: but who better to face the day than you Diva?!

Consider this, what would have to take place in order to for your candle to burn continually, even while you rested? Of course we have the example from She's a PRO 31:18, Part A, where we realized that always being spiritually and physically prepared by planning ahead and being efficient is a continually burning candle. But what is another way? I don't know about you, but this is what came to my mind: The world is a big place, there are people who sleep while you work, and work while you sleep. People taste the New Year 12 hours before you and 12 hours after. What if you solved a problem and made it available to people through an internet store or as a download. If you automated the whole thing (people click a button on their computer to pay and the download begins), then you could go to the gym, watch your favorite TV show, rest and still collect resources (money) for the dream and for the future. There you go, your candle is burning all night creating wealth that you can choose to use for all kinds of righteous and wonderful things.

Now that's a woman of excellence--outside the box thinking--finding a way to change her life and her families future one simple and executed idea at a time. I'm just saying, get ready to be creative and smart with your time, your money and the mind that God gave you. And you don't have to sell your soul to get it done, you just need to update your faith, consider a new strategy, focus in and then take off. The Earth is the Lord's and the fullness there of and 'we be His daughters;' so quit limiting yourself, and quit trying to limit God, because there's so much more to do . . .

-MizJAI-

She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust]. Proverbs 31:18 AMP

She's a PRO 31:18, Part A

An ever burning candle is prepared to give light, especially in the dead of night.  But there is a difference between readiness, and burning your candle at both ends all day long.  We often live our lives on burn out.  The average American (or any person who adopts our way of life) lives at high adrenaline, stretched-out, attempting to pack 7 days into 1.  Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with productivity but balance and wisdom are required as well.  

Everybody needs to rest, and reset for a new moment, a new day.  But there is something to the PRO, she works smart and rests well.  She doesn't waste time with busy work for the sake of work.  She's not the one attempting to look important by always being in a hurry.  She's often the calm lady that you could miss in the corner who has figured out a smarter, easier and more efficient (and righteous) way to get it done.   So that when the true emergencies come, she has the reserve energy to meet them head on.  

A woman who doesn't plan, creates emergencies out of simple things.  

EXERCISE.  Are you the type of woman who has your team or your family or yourself on high alert as you approach (almost) every deadline, simply because you forget (or refuse) to do it early or on time?  Your exercise is a questionnaire . . . 

Why do you wait till the last minute?  

a) your forget    

b) it just doesn't feel important until then     

c) you hope it will go away if you wait long enough     

d) all of the above

e) a & b

When you are working on a tight deadline how do you feel?

a) exhilarated, it's exciting to you

b) your stomach hurts, you can't believe it's another deadline

c) sleepy, you just can't do it again

d) like you need to clean the house and the entire office first, distracted

e) overwhelmed, so you do nothing or you do something that you already know that you can do well like d above, you clean the house, etc.

Now that you understand yourself more, let's try to make your work more empowering. Waiting till the last minute puts the assignment in charge, instead of you in charge of the work. Because last minute deadlines hijack your time and focus.  There are a few things you can do:

INSPIRE YOURSELF to an EARLY DEADLINE

If you like the exhilaration and the pressure, then create a self induced deadline of your own.   Maybe you want to get off work early on Friday and take your daughter to the park.  The report isn't due to your supervisor until Monday at 2:00 PM.  Make your personal deadline Friday at noon, when you finish it, then you leave work early, if you don't then you stay.  But the thing that you want to do with your time has to be important to you, otherwise you will just push the time back anyway and still end up with last minute or late work.   

TURN THE ASSIGNMENT into BITE-SIZED TASKS

If you are the type who is overwhelmed by long lasting responsibilities; you know the kind of task that I'm talking about--it takes a weeks or months to complete.  Well, you don't have to keep pulling out the fairy dust and hoping to become invisible in order to avoid it.  Tackle it one little bit at a time.  The day you receive the assignment, sit down and type out/write out the assignment's objectives and mission.  In other words, What is the task that you have (get) to do?  Why do you need to do it?  With that simple step you are on your way.  Then you write down what you think your first step should be.  As your mind begins to click, a-lot of other things that need to be done will come to you, write those down as well.  You may have written that list in a frenzy; now, take the time to type it out so that you can look at it and tweak it for tomorrow.  Remember, the PRO receives help.  You taking this time to plan will allow you to tackle the job with excellence and will open your eyes to the areas where you can receive help. This is an exercise in baby steps.  The Pros use it all the time.  

WAKE-UP and SMELL the TEECCINO

We're grown women now.  Sometimes things just happen, but chronic procrastinating demonstrates that time controls you and/or that you may have very little respect for the people who have to help you 'get it done.'  It's just something we have to master, if we intend to be more than we are today.  Of course, we always have the option of staying the same and staying where we are.   Nobody is forcing us to do anything that we don't want to do, because we are grown women. But I can tell you this, the bad habits that we are unwilling to address will force us out of the places we have been trying to get into.

A woman of excellence sees that the gain from her labor is worth it.  Her candle burns continually because she is prepared, but she has also found a way for that candle to burn even while she sleeps . . . 

-MizJAI-

She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust]. Proverbs 31:18 AMP

She's a PRO 31:17

What good are our dreams coming to the fore front of our lives, if we're in no shape to handle them when they arrive?  A woman of excellence prepares herself with strength.  She gets her mind ready to live the dream by practicing being what she says she is.  She rehearses it in her head until she believes it.  Then, she begins to be it, even when no one else can see it.  So you say you're an artist, then act like it.  Remember our saying, 'painters paint, writers writer, dancers dance' and so on . . . 

But not only your mind, the woman of excellence gets her spirit right too.  She dances in the presence of God, writes to the rhythm of His love, each stroke is to His credit, each line to His glory.  She simply spends time with Him so that what she does is beautiful and sincere everyday.  

And lastly, the woman of excellence strengthens her body.  She is not the one who lets it fall where it may.  She shapes her temple with exercise on purpose. There I said it.  It's time to get your tennis shoes out and hit the gym (again), the court, the track--whatever you prefer, but it's time to get to it sister.  And yes it's scripture for you to strengthen yourself (quoted below for your convenience).  Keep it Simple & Sweet though, becoming Ms. Olympia (bodybuilding competition) is not your goal.  But being strong enough and healthy enough and cute too as you live your dream in style is the goal.  So get to moving . . .

EXERCISE.  Add something new to your routine.  What do you say that you are?  Let's take dancer for example. What do you think a dancer would do first thing in the morning?  Google and find out.  Search the name of some dancer you admire or dancers in general and discover their routine.  Pick one thing out of it that resonates with you and add it to your schedule.  Do they stretch for 15 minutes upon rising?  Do they dance to there favorite song at the end of each work day?  Choose the thing that you think will make you better at being who you say you are, and then do it for at least 10 days.  Then if it doesn't work for you or it's not causing improvement, you can try something different.  Just be sure to add to your life (wisely) because it strengthens you for the dream.

A woman of excellence makes herself strong, one decision at a time.  Choose like your life depends it because it does, and get ready for an ever burning candle . . .

-MizJAI-

She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. Proverbs 31:17 AMP

She's a PRO 31:16

It was Saturday morning and Jewel had the day to herself. Her friend, Susan, and fellow mother, was taking the kids for the day. As Jewel stepped out the door, she thought, "I love our Saturday trades." One Saturday out of the month they take each others kids. It gives the other mother a day to herself to do whatever she wants. And today Jewel wanted to go shopping and meet her husband for a lunch date the way they did when they where dating and maybe catch a matinee. It was Saturday and she had the day. But first things first: It's time to find a deal.

She headed straight to her favorite neighborhood. She drove by it often with the kids and had at least two places that she wanted to check out. Today was an open house just for her and she was ready to see what it looked like on the inside. She wished Jonathan was with her but he needed some down time, so she didn't bother him. Besides he trusts her to "narrow the field." That's how they do what they do, together. She was excited to get to her sale, but as she met the selling agent at the door, Jewel put on her poker face and went in to the old run down house in the middle of a beautiful neighborhood and began to make mental notes to share with her husband. They where in the market for their first rental properties and she was on the hunt. The cash-flow from this house was going into a fund for their daughters' college education, so choosing the right house in the right neighborhood (rentable) for the right price mattered. Armed with all her research she was ready to go shopping . . .

Loving God is the beginning of a beautiful life. But that's not all there is too it. We actually have to live on this side of heaven and we can do that living any way that we want. We can live it with the best of things, the worst of things, and/or any where in between. It is our choice and we choose by the skills we are willing to learn and the actions we are willing to take.

I am sure that you noticed in She's a PRO 31:15, that the virtuous woman had a staff of people to help her run her house. She probably had maids, a cook, a gardner and so on. In our modern world the help we need depends on the size and the outcome of our dreams. If your desire is a cottage for two and a powerful internet connection to build your online business, then your team may only consist of techies (that you never meet because you communicate online) to do the functions that you don't know how to do. Maybe they will build your website or make sure that it is properly advertised in order to let people know you are here or design your company's logo, etc. Regardless of the task that you choose to receive help on, they are a part of your team that need your direction in order to help you run your online house, excuse me, I mean business. Do you get the picture?

In other words, you don't need maids and a gardner and housekeepers for the cottage. It's small enough and cute enough and you love it, so you've got that on lock. But you do need help to develop your business. So that's the team that you assemble and guide like the PRO 31:15.

"But how in the world can the virtuous woman or anyone else for that matter afford to have help, when I have to do everything on my own?" You ask. Well, it's shaped by our thoughts. Are you the kind of person who plans her day solely around what she can get done in a day? I used to be that person, as the average woman is, but it's limiting (and who ever said we where trying to be average?). When we learn to think in terms of team and support, we can conquer the world or at least industry. For certain, we can get a handle on our homes and family. But it takes a different way of thinking and planning.

The PRO 'expands prudently' without neglecting her most basic responsibilities. But she does expand. She reaches out for more exciting experiences, more exciting business ventures, more exciting journeys with the people she loves the most. We can have our best dreams with Wisdom, faith and planning. Consider Jewel in the story above who was going shopping for real estate Saturday morning. She was definitely thinking outside the box. Plus it's Biblical, the woman of excellence 'considers a new field before she buys and accepts it.' Jewel spent her Saturday morning considering a field, and that's what I call savvy. What fields have you considered lately? It could be real estate and/or a business idea. Maybe you have an idea inside of you. There are lots of ways to live the dream and it doesn't always require hard labor from you. I'm just saying, it's ok to just think about it at least and let your mind expand (a little).

Hmmm, interesting.

EXERCISE. You already have your exercise for today: consider a field in any area of life that interest you. If you really get to thinking that you can do this, then order a book (audio or print) on the subject and read it. You never know where you may end up. But I will tell you this, planning your future with faith and a strategy is far more exciting than just wandering through the rest of your life.

Remember, a woman of excellence lives it. When your man meets you, you should already be a women of excellence and not waiting for marriage in order to become one. Life is now, so get to living well. And ladies, let's get ready for strength . . .

-MizJAI-

She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. Proverbs 31:16 AMP

She's a PRO 31:15

First things first, I need my time with God so that He can refuel me with His word.  Each day holds new challenges and responsibilities.  And sometimes the weight of the day before attaches itself to us so strong that it joins us in our sleep and wakes with us the next morning.  It is painful to live a new day with old baggage.  

I need my time with God everyday.  If I neglect this time, the relationship suffers, and I don't want that.  Any relationship suffers without consistency and intimacy.  My relationship with God is no different.  So I rise early in the morning to read His word, to whisper my prayers, to hear His voice, to sit still for  minute and let the day in slowly.

The woman of excellence practices being excellent for a lifetime.  If we don't train ourselves to do the things that renew our private lives and refresh our personal thoughts and calm our own spirits, then how will we have anything to give anyone else in the not-so-distant future.    The PRO 31:15 rises early in the morning and provides spiritual food for her household.  She prepares the words that will frame and shape their day.  My mother did it.  We awoke and 15 minutes before we left for the bus, we had Bible study every weekday morning.  We practiced reading out loud and digging for treasures in the Word.  She taught me how to shape my day.  As a woman I still follow the same process: Word first, now face the day.

After her diligence with the word comes her diligence with the business of the house.  When the ladies on her team arise for the day, she has word for them and assignments.  She's a prepared leader, who understands the basics of diligence:

1. God first (it shapes your attitude and can greatly elevate your kindness meter)
2. Preparation is crucial (you do your part by getting ready, God will do His by blessing your efforts)
3. Don't waist time (time costs, so put it to great use.  If you have 10 people waiting around to help you and they have been waiting for 10 minutes for you, well you have just wasted 1 hour and 40 minutes.  Time matters, so use it wisely).

EXERCISE:  If you are the kind that bolts up and out of your bed as soon as the alarm rings, I want you try something different for tomorrow morning: set your alarm 10 minutes earlier than usual, put your Bible beside your bed.  Maybe you are traveling and don't have one with you, then go to BibleGateway.com online and choose the version you want to read (I like the Amplified) and get to reading, but practice going to the site at night, so that it will be quick for you in the morning.  When you bolt out of the bed at full speed, grab your Bible and head for the nearest (or your favorite) window, open the curtains and read at least one scripture (Psalms 139:14), take at least one deep breath, whisper at least one little prayer (thank You for my life).  Smile because you are woman enough for this day, and then dive into the business of living (as my sister says).

The PRO learns to face her life boldly and diligently, one day at a time.  But not only that she's savvy . . . and I don't mean the sales we can find on clothes at warehouses and the mall, it's more to being savvy than that . . .

-MizJAI-

She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks. Proverbs 31:15 AMP

She's a PRO 31:14

The woman of excellence is not afraid of change or variety. Life around her is interesting because she keeps it spicy and fun. She is like the merchant ships. She embodies the excitement you feel waiting for the ship to dock, curious about what you find inside this time, delighted in the beautiful and unique things that the last journey brings. This woman enjoys the diversity of life and shares it with her family.

EXERCISE: Go to the grocery store. Buy a cookie from Belgium or a new spice from South America. When you look for it, you'll find that the world is represented in the grocery store. Your goal is to find something new today from a different place on purpose and try it. Take suggestions from the people around, see if anybody has tried it and taste it. If you like it, then share it with somebody in your family, but have fun. If you don't like, then it makes a great story. Decide to try something different next time. Keep testing until you find something tasty. The world is a big place, you might as well start enjoying it in your local grocery store.

Don't get stuck and don't be afraid to taste the planet one well chosen bite at a time. The PRO embraces variety and interesting changes. She is also diligent . . .

-MizJAI-

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. Proverbs 31:14 AMP

She's a PRO 31:13

The modern woman doesn't want to be trapped, placed in a box, and then brought out to be used like a puppet or displayed like a trophy. She wants to be recognized for the thoughts in her head as well as for her beauty and style. She wants to be free, but not alone or lonely. She wants the best in life, and is willing to give the best in return. At least that is how I feel, along with many of the righteous, dynamic and modern women that I know. And I discovered that those types of desires are not too much for God. After all, he made us free, and we should live that way. He gave us a mind, we should us it. And He has blessings set aside for us, we should tap into them and live an excellent life. It honors God.

Everybody has an opinion about the virtuous woman and exactly what she should be doing with her life. She is often portrayed as a waiting woman whose life begins upon marriage. She is domestic and skilled at "women's work" as all household duties used to be called. Here's the problem: to think of the virtuous woman this way limits women and forces the rest of us to fit into a man made mold that forgets to allow for the natural distinctions and the freedom of choice among women (Consequently, it limits men too. What if your husband is an extraordianaire chef? Then let him in the kitchen!). It also causes the business woman to attempt to define herself in opposition to the domestic diva, when we should not only embrace each other, but embrace the domestic diva and the business woman that is inside each of us.

The PRO seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands to develop it. Every woman cannot sew and some simply choose not too, but don't miss the greater point. Every woman can seek out the best of raw materials and willingly develop them into products and solutions that help her family. Now set your creativity free. Once we realize that no one can put us into a box that we don't willingly walk into, then we can be free to live and embrace who we are in multiple arenas.

EXERCISE. Maybe your hands willing work with fabrics or clay or paint or computers or words on a page. This exercise is about finding the raw materials that speak to you and solving a problem for your family (whether it is a family of one, just you, or husband, children, or any combination). Take the list you created yesterday in She's a PRO 31:12, and focus on the unfinished project that will take no more than one day to complete. Decide to do it this Saturday or Friday evening. But get it done before the weekend comes again. On your paper you should have why you never finished it in the first place. Your assignment is get around that why. In other words, if you didn't finish it because it was no longer fun or harder than you thought, then consider ways to make it fun and easier. If your sister does it with you or someone you like to spend time with, will that make it better? Can you pay someone to complete it for you, that way it gets done and you can have your time to do the thing that you are better at? Can you barter and trade with a friend or acquaintance by offering a service that you like to do in exchange for one that you need but hate doing. Is there a piece of equipment or software that will honestly make the task easier? Get creative and get focused. Decide right now that you will complete this project in the next 1-6 days (the sooner you do it, the better and freer you will feel).

The woman of excellence solves common problems with smart, innovative and sometimes uncommon solutions. Excel baby, and let no one make you feel small for who you are or what you do. You are woman, a domestic diva and a business guru in a beautiful vessel . . . keep it exciting because it's fun and it's scripture . . .

-MizJAI-

She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands to develop it. Proverbs 31:13 AMP

She's a PRO 31:12

There are days when hope flows right out of us, when our faith reaches her limits. And in those moments we are required to stand and believe, and to live like we know that this time is only temporary. This is where we build our strength. In every moment that we hold the line when we would rather fall apart, we become stronger. This kind of power is built over a lifetime of faith, so don't wait for someone else's strength, allow God to build strength in you, warrior-woman. Allow Him to equip you to serve another with your resilience.

You see, there are seasons when somebody stronger stood up for you until you could get your bearings again. And there will be seasons when you become that person for another.

The woman of excellence comforts and encourages her husband. She is blessed with the opportunity to speak to his heart in hours that may feel dark to him. She is privileged to be his eyes while he digs deep for her and the family. It is an honor to be in another's life when they go through and to be equipped to encourage and comfort them. But we shouldn't take it lightly. Words are not idle and hearts shouldn't be treated like toys. Let's prepare ourselves

1. to stand for our families and our righteous dreams when others would fall;
2. to pray and hold on when others would curse God and die;
3. to believe and push forward when others would give up and go back.

Simple things and subtle opportunities enter our lives daily. The way we respond to them shape our future. And those moments also train us. For example, let's say you have a business idea and over in the middle of going after your dream, you realize just how much work it will be. Giving up, going back and never trying again is an option. Reevaluating your plan and adjusting your strategy for success is also a option. What do you choose? That's up to you. But if you make the kind of choices that reinforce fear in your life, then that will seep into your relationships. If you make the kind of choices that reinforce wisdom and resilience then that too will show up in other areas of your life as well. Choose wisely.

EXERCISE: Take 30 minutes to yourself today. First, lay out right across your bed or in the backyard on the grass (what ever you like) with your arms wide (you know the way children do, all carefree like). And run through your life searching for things you started but never completed. Are there any projects around the house that have been undone for months, dare I say years? Is there a scrapbook you started but never finished? A business idea that you still believe in but somehow lost your focus? Now, from the mental list that you generated, select two unfinished projects that are important to you. One of them should be simple and easy to complete on a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon. The other one may require a few weeks or months to finish.

Now that you have chosen them, write them down. Under each tell yourself the truth by answering this question honestly: Why didn't you finish them? not enough time? needed help? took longer than you thought it would? it wasn't fun any more? you and so and so broke up? your mother passed? It doesn't matter why, as long as you tell yourself the truth. Dig deep, be honest and write it down.

Since the truth sets you free this simple act of clarity may evoke an unexpected smile on the inside of you, because with your honesty and diligence we just might be able to get something done, or at least get to the bottom of it (like the laundry basket).

The woman of excellence becomes qualified to shower her man with her love only as she allows God to cover her life with His love, because God's love is a healer. And a healthy woman chooses better, loves stronger, and is free to become something else altogether, enterprising and more creative.

Oh, you think you've been creative, wait till you take the blinders off . . .

-MizJAI-

She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. Proverbs 31:12 AMP

She's a PRO 31:11

It's common for us, women, to find our identities in our mates and for men to find their identities in their jobs. But God wants us to find out who we are inside of Him. And since He made the thing (us), then He does have a right to tell us how it (we) work(s).

Here's the thing, if we find our purposes inside the love of God, instead of the typical avenues mentioned above, then our love relationships can and will take on new meanings (as well as our jobs). In other words, we will be free to love our men for who they are and not for fear. Don't get it twisted, it is fear to keep a man because deep down inside you're afraid of who you are without him. If you are uncertain of your own identity in an empty room by yourself, then you need to allow God to do some personal work in your heart. This way, you can make better choices in life: choose better men, and if you already have the right one baby, then you can learn to love him with a more pure heart (become a better woman).

A woman of excellence possesses an uncommon heart. She loves like her Father (God) and because of that her husbands heart can trust in her even on her worst days because she's anchored. Since out of the mouth flows the issues of the heart, the woman of excellence constantly and honestly allows God to massage her heart and address every pain and brokenness. She is real with God and therefore becomes strong enough to remain real with herself. Her husband simply gets the overflow: a woman that he is able to securely believe in.

But there is one more key thing about the PRO, she speaks life into him: right into his heart and right into his ideas. Her love is honest, pure and profitable (a beautiful by product of her relationship with God). Life is better with the woman of excellence around. But becoming her is not something that you wait for marriage to do. Cultivate excellence in your heart and your life right now (no matter what state you are in).

EXERCISE. Your exercise for today is simple: a prayer. "Heal my heart Father. Make me a woman who is whole and no longer hiding. Expose me to myself and make me strong enough to meet her and bold enough to change the things that are not beneficial in my life. Remove the fear in my heart and teach me to live free forever. Make my love pure like your Son's love. Make my motives righteous. Make my life more beautiful than I ever imagined it could be, simply because I give you permission to deal with me completely. In Jesus name, Amen."

The woman of excellence has an uncommon heart, but there is so much more . . .

-MizJAI-

The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. Proverbs 31:11 AMP

She's a PRO 31:10

We have said this about men before. But let's face reality, it's true about women as well: There is a difference between simply being female, being a real woman and being a woman of excellence. The distinctions are subtle enough for the undiscriminating eye to miss. But for the sake of growth and choice, let's break it down, so that each woman can make a consistent and conscious decision about which one she will be. And every man can actively and wisely choose which one he will build his life with.

A capable woman isn't helpless. She knows how to make productive things happen. It doesn't mean as women, that we need to play God in every body's life, by running around fixing every body's problems and giving them platinum-plated crutches to lean on for a life time. It just means that in a clutch, we can contribute. It means that we possess the ability to shape our lives, so shape it baby. Quit waiting for somebody to rescue you. Begin to do the things that will make you strong, let God deliver you. And when your knight in shining armor shows up, then you'll be strong enough to contribute to the overall plan.

An intelligent woman constantly learns and adds to what she knows. Her mind is seldom idle. Inside of focusing on mind trips and mental games, she plots out routes to success, wealth, happiness. She uses the mind God gave her to make the space around her beautiful. She searches out new answers and solutions to old problems. She is creative and innovative. She is smart enough to know that she doesn't know it all. The intelligent woman knows how to receive and give help. She is dynamic in thought, always reading and experiencing new things, always planning her life forward.

A woman of excellence is discovered and developed in the quiet spaces of life. Her excellence is in the details and hinges on her ability to face challenges and grow when the average woman runs. In chaos, her mind finds the calm and locks in on the solution. In tragedy, she finds the hope and focuses on the future. In challenges, she discovers the lessons and reaches for the progress.

EXERCISE. Practice being more excellence. For the next 24 hours, every time a problem crosses your desk or your table, before you pass it on to your boss, husband, sister, parents (you know how you role better than I do) take 2-7 minutes to come up with a solution. It doesn't have to be perfect, but you have to be trying to practice solving problems.

The virtuous woman is priceless because she is an uncommon thinker. But not only that, she possess an uncommon heart . . .

-MizJAI-

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies and pearls. Proverbs 31:10 AMP

The PRO Series!

Welcome to the PRO Series! A pro is an expert, a master, an specialist, a virtuoso. They are the people of excellence who possess an outstanding skill at a profession or an art. In this case the PRO excels at the art of being woman & the art of being man. And believe me there is an artistry to being a man with an abiding character and a woman of unrelenting grace. The PRO is a refined natural. She is woman instinctively, but she daily puts on the virtues that make her priceless. He is innately man, but he daily chooses to walk as one who "rules his own spirit."

Are we living and operating like true PROs? Are fears and lack of character limiting our lifestyles? What's the standard and how do I measure up? What are some practical steps to get there? You will find the answers in the PRO Series. I'll see you tomorrow with PRO 31.10. We are starting with the ladies . . .

-MizJAI

What Are You Doing? Changing . . .

CHANGE. Another highly important sign that you are waiting effectively is the reality that you will be growing and changing in the meantime. You will not stay the same and it won't be a forced action, but a natural one. As you begin to walk in Expectation and live a Renewed life that is saturated in word daily, your heart will become stronger, your thoughts will become clearer, and your actions will change to match the actions of a Person on Fire with Faith.

You play another part in this change. You decide. You decide to read the word. You decide to deal with the real you, the good, the ugly and everything in between. You decide to change one simple step at a time. Your special brand of attitude will fall off of you. Your unique way of attempting to control everyone around you will lessen. Your litany of fears that adorned your conversation will shed like dead leaves. And your life will prepare to flourish like a tree in spring budding new life.

But don't just take my word for it. Here is scripture . . .

. . . those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired Isaiah 40:31

It is in the expectation that we become willing to change and renew our lives in the first place. It is in the renewing that allows us to run and not be weary, walk and not faint. It is in the changing that we draw closer to God. I'll catch you in the air.

-MizJAI-

What Are You Doing? Renewing . . .

RENEWAL. People take vacations for this. Every night's rest is designed for this purpose. And quiet moments alone with God and His Word addresses this most basic need . . . renewal. We must take time and allow God to refresh us, our lives, our perspective and our spirit. It was established in the beginning when God rested on the seventh day after restructuring and repopulating the Earth. So why not model my Father with a little R&R (rest and relaxation) consistently.

So how do we begin? Go to sleep at night. Put on some music that is relaxing, melodic instrumental or ballad. Make yourself a cup of your favorite tea (I like peppermint and a chamomile at night), and let your thoughts slip away into the hands of God as you rest. Staying up doesn't solve our problems, it simply drains our energy and tears down our immune system. Try taking a 30 minute nap in the middle of a random day. Set it up just like it's nighttime but rest with the sunshine dancing your window if you like. Whatever, you choose, begin to practice calming down. And most importantly begin to collect scriptures about God's nature, so that you can "know that you know" that He will answer your prayers.

I'm not saying become lazy in renewal, I'm saying after you have done the most effective work for the day and the week, then enter into renewal and rest and watch what God does with your life in the waking hours.

Does it still seem too hard, like you can't quite feel it? Then there is one more tool that you need in order to cement your ability to effectively wait on God . . .

-MizJAI-

What Are You Doing? Expecting . . .

Are you the one who waits, but nothing happens? I've decided that if waiting is a part of the process, then I want to learn how to do it right. Consequently, there are at least three things that will signal that you are waiting effectively and not just being lazy and waiting for your life to start. Besides, it would be terrible for your life to happen without your active participation.

EXPECTATION. A sign that you are effectively waiting on God is expectation in your heart because you know that God will deliver. You know that something exciting and powerful will happen. You understand that the gift of this power relationship is fruit, so you hold on no matter what. And you stand regardless of what you face. If you don't have expectation in your heart about what God can and will do in your life, particularly if you "be the righteous," then you need to know the second thing that signals effective waiting . . .

-MizJAI-

My Heart, My Love 2

continued from My Heart, My Love . . .

Watching a woman face the truth can make you want to run or get real too.

One of the women at the table said that she wasn't pretending any more either. Another one said that she would only want him for sex right now, so until she had a better reason, she would rather wait. The third woman said, 'can I get some more cocktail sauce.' And I took another bite of my fish and digested the sex answer, and mulled over what I wanted. I wanted to trust again and to be loved for real or not at all (at least as far as men are concerned). I said nothing. How real did I want to get with myself?


Long after lunch ended and we had stepped back out into the world where we have to carry our own music in our hearts, her questions lingered with me and required honest answers. I'm still pondering today which is one of the reason's Johari's Window came back to my mind. There are things that we need others in order to see in our selves. I now see more of my heart. And like that woman with all the questions, I want to be honest too. Do you?

-MizJAI-

My Heart, My Love

I can't seem to get around this subject. As I build my dream life, it occurs to me that I can not and should not get away from love. A friend of mine confronted a group of us with the truth of our dreams and desires for love and romance . . .

It was a beautiful and perfect afternoon in San Francisco. Five women, getting together for a break from our lives as teachers and counselors and dream builders, sat in Tarantino's overlooking the Harbor at Fisherman's Wharf. It was an escape from all the walking and the people below, it was lunch. And somewhere in the middle we slipped into the truth and it reminded me of why I alter my life to vacation with these women.

"Let's be real, life would be better if we had someone to kick it, to share our travels with, to work our dreams with--" we all seemed to look at her in awe and a little surprise (at least on my part). She is the tomboy, musician in the group that has found her style, flow and flavor. She's also the last one you would expect to speak on relationships. Not because she doesn't love, but because she can be the queen of the tough act (although all to often it's not an act which makes it that much more 'tough'). But here she was 'telling like it is' in such a way that it made it hard for most of us to hide.

The sun was so bright and her words were crystal, "Do you want a mate, a husband? I mean the right man; The one who gets you; What's wrong with expecting it? I'm done with the pretending. Decide what you want and make room for it." She directed her statements right at us. I quit eating to listen better. The music in the restaurant faded to the back, her words seemed to flood my mind and my patent response for the past three years came to the forefront of my thoughts, "I don't know if I want another man. I've got these dreams, I want to travel, and write and live adventures, and I'm not sure I need a man for that." I didn't say it, but she responded as if she heard me, "I'm not saying you need a savior. I'm talking about a companion, someone share your life with. All of this would be enhanced with him. I'm not lying to myself any more, I'm ready to share my life. If you know what you want then just say it. Let go. Do you want a husband, a man, a male friend, whatever, do you want it?"

Everybody paused. These weren't rhetorical statements, she expected an answer . . .

-MizJAI-