She's a PRO 31:11

It's common for us, women, to find our identities in our mates and for men to find their identities in their jobs. But God wants us to find out who we are inside of Him. And since He made the thing (us), then He does have a right to tell us how it (we) work(s).

Here's the thing, if we find our purposes inside the love of God, instead of the typical avenues mentioned above, then our love relationships can and will take on new meanings (as well as our jobs). In other words, we will be free to love our men for who they are and not for fear. Don't get it twisted, it is fear to keep a man because deep down inside you're afraid of who you are without him. If you are uncertain of your own identity in an empty room by yourself, then you need to allow God to do some personal work in your heart. This way, you can make better choices in life: choose better men, and if you already have the right one baby, then you can learn to love him with a more pure heart (become a better woman).

A woman of excellence possesses an uncommon heart. She loves like her Father (God) and because of that her husbands heart can trust in her even on her worst days because she's anchored. Since out of the mouth flows the issues of the heart, the woman of excellence constantly and honestly allows God to massage her heart and address every pain and brokenness. She is real with God and therefore becomes strong enough to remain real with herself. Her husband simply gets the overflow: a woman that he is able to securely believe in.

But there is one more key thing about the PRO, she speaks life into him: right into his heart and right into his ideas. Her love is honest, pure and profitable (a beautiful by product of her relationship with God). Life is better with the woman of excellence around. But becoming her is not something that you wait for marriage to do. Cultivate excellence in your heart and your life right now (no matter what state you are in).

EXERCISE. Your exercise for today is simple: a prayer. "Heal my heart Father. Make me a woman who is whole and no longer hiding. Expose me to myself and make me strong enough to meet her and bold enough to change the things that are not beneficial in my life. Remove the fear in my heart and teach me to live free forever. Make my love pure like your Son's love. Make my motives righteous. Make my life more beautiful than I ever imagined it could be, simply because I give you permission to deal with me completely. In Jesus name, Amen."

The woman of excellence has an uncommon heart, but there is so much more . . .

-MizJAI-

The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. Proverbs 31:11 AMP

She's a PRO 31:10

We have said this about men before. But let's face reality, it's true about women as well: There is a difference between simply being female, being a real woman and being a woman of excellence. The distinctions are subtle enough for the undiscriminating eye to miss. But for the sake of growth and choice, let's break it down, so that each woman can make a consistent and conscious decision about which one she will be. And every man can actively and wisely choose which one he will build his life with.

A capable woman isn't helpless. She knows how to make productive things happen. It doesn't mean as women, that we need to play God in every body's life, by running around fixing every body's problems and giving them platinum-plated crutches to lean on for a life time. It just means that in a clutch, we can contribute. It means that we possess the ability to shape our lives, so shape it baby. Quit waiting for somebody to rescue you. Begin to do the things that will make you strong, let God deliver you. And when your knight in shining armor shows up, then you'll be strong enough to contribute to the overall plan.

An intelligent woman constantly learns and adds to what she knows. Her mind is seldom idle. Inside of focusing on mind trips and mental games, she plots out routes to success, wealth, happiness. She uses the mind God gave her to make the space around her beautiful. She searches out new answers and solutions to old problems. She is creative and innovative. She is smart enough to know that she doesn't know it all. The intelligent woman knows how to receive and give help. She is dynamic in thought, always reading and experiencing new things, always planning her life forward.

A woman of excellence is discovered and developed in the quiet spaces of life. Her excellence is in the details and hinges on her ability to face challenges and grow when the average woman runs. In chaos, her mind finds the calm and locks in on the solution. In tragedy, she finds the hope and focuses on the future. In challenges, she discovers the lessons and reaches for the progress.

EXERCISE. Practice being more excellence. For the next 24 hours, every time a problem crosses your desk or your table, before you pass it on to your boss, husband, sister, parents (you know how you role better than I do) take 2-7 minutes to come up with a solution. It doesn't have to be perfect, but you have to be trying to practice solving problems.

The virtuous woman is priceless because she is an uncommon thinker. But not only that, she possess an uncommon heart . . .

-MizJAI-

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies and pearls. Proverbs 31:10 AMP

The PRO Series!

Welcome to the PRO Series! A pro is an expert, a master, an specialist, a virtuoso. They are the people of excellence who possess an outstanding skill at a profession or an art. In this case the PRO excels at the art of being woman & the art of being man. And believe me there is an artistry to being a man with an abiding character and a woman of unrelenting grace. The PRO is a refined natural. She is woman instinctively, but she daily puts on the virtues that make her priceless. He is innately man, but he daily chooses to walk as one who "rules his own spirit."

Are we living and operating like true PROs? Are fears and lack of character limiting our lifestyles? What's the standard and how do I measure up? What are some practical steps to get there? You will find the answers in the PRO Series. I'll see you tomorrow with PRO 31.10. We are starting with the ladies . . .

-MizJAI

What Are You Doing? Changing . . .

CHANGE. Another highly important sign that you are waiting effectively is the reality that you will be growing and changing in the meantime. You will not stay the same and it won't be a forced action, but a natural one. As you begin to walk in Expectation and live a Renewed life that is saturated in word daily, your heart will become stronger, your thoughts will become clearer, and your actions will change to match the actions of a Person on Fire with Faith.

You play another part in this change. You decide. You decide to read the word. You decide to deal with the real you, the good, the ugly and everything in between. You decide to change one simple step at a time. Your special brand of attitude will fall off of you. Your unique way of attempting to control everyone around you will lessen. Your litany of fears that adorned your conversation will shed like dead leaves. And your life will prepare to flourish like a tree in spring budding new life.

But don't just take my word for it. Here is scripture . . .

. . . those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired Isaiah 40:31

It is in the expectation that we become willing to change and renew our lives in the first place. It is in the renewing that allows us to run and not be weary, walk and not faint. It is in the changing that we draw closer to God. I'll catch you in the air.

-MizJAI-

What Are You Doing? Renewing . . .

RENEWAL. People take vacations for this. Every night's rest is designed for this purpose. And quiet moments alone with God and His Word addresses this most basic need . . . renewal. We must take time and allow God to refresh us, our lives, our perspective and our spirit. It was established in the beginning when God rested on the seventh day after restructuring and repopulating the Earth. So why not model my Father with a little R&R (rest and relaxation) consistently.

So how do we begin? Go to sleep at night. Put on some music that is relaxing, melodic instrumental or ballad. Make yourself a cup of your favorite tea (I like peppermint and a chamomile at night), and let your thoughts slip away into the hands of God as you rest. Staying up doesn't solve our problems, it simply drains our energy and tears down our immune system. Try taking a 30 minute nap in the middle of a random day. Set it up just like it's nighttime but rest with the sunshine dancing your window if you like. Whatever, you choose, begin to practice calming down. And most importantly begin to collect scriptures about God's nature, so that you can "know that you know" that He will answer your prayers.

I'm not saying become lazy in renewal, I'm saying after you have done the most effective work for the day and the week, then enter into renewal and rest and watch what God does with your life in the waking hours.

Does it still seem too hard, like you can't quite feel it? Then there is one more tool that you need in order to cement your ability to effectively wait on God . . .

-MizJAI-

What Are You Doing? Expecting . . .

Are you the one who waits, but nothing happens? I've decided that if waiting is a part of the process, then I want to learn how to do it right. Consequently, there are at least three things that will signal that you are waiting effectively and not just being lazy and waiting for your life to start. Besides, it would be terrible for your life to happen without your active participation.

EXPECTATION. A sign that you are effectively waiting on God is expectation in your heart because you know that God will deliver. You know that something exciting and powerful will happen. You understand that the gift of this power relationship is fruit, so you hold on no matter what. And you stand regardless of what you face. If you don't have expectation in your heart about what God can and will do in your life, particularly if you "be the righteous," then you need to know the second thing that signals effective waiting . . .

-MizJAI-

My Heart, My Love 2

continued from My Heart, My Love . . .

Watching a woman face the truth can make you want to run or get real too.

One of the women at the table said that she wasn't pretending any more either. Another one said that she would only want him for sex right now, so until she had a better reason, she would rather wait. The third woman said, 'can I get some more cocktail sauce.' And I took another bite of my fish and digested the sex answer, and mulled over what I wanted. I wanted to trust again and to be loved for real or not at all (at least as far as men are concerned). I said nothing. How real did I want to get with myself?


Long after lunch ended and we had stepped back out into the world where we have to carry our own music in our hearts, her questions lingered with me and required honest answers. I'm still pondering today which is one of the reason's Johari's Window came back to my mind. There are things that we need others in order to see in our selves. I now see more of my heart. And like that woman with all the questions, I want to be honest too. Do you?

-MizJAI-

My Heart, My Love

I can't seem to get around this subject. As I build my dream life, it occurs to me that I can not and should not get away from love. A friend of mine confronted a group of us with the truth of our dreams and desires for love and romance . . .

It was a beautiful and perfect afternoon in San Francisco. Five women, getting together for a break from our lives as teachers and counselors and dream builders, sat in Tarantino's overlooking the Harbor at Fisherman's Wharf. It was an escape from all the walking and the people below, it was lunch. And somewhere in the middle we slipped into the truth and it reminded me of why I alter my life to vacation with these women.

"Let's be real, life would be better if we had someone to kick it, to share our travels with, to work our dreams with--" we all seemed to look at her in awe and a little surprise (at least on my part). She is the tomboy, musician in the group that has found her style, flow and flavor. She's also the last one you would expect to speak on relationships. Not because she doesn't love, but because she can be the queen of the tough act (although all to often it's not an act which makes it that much more 'tough'). But here she was 'telling like it is' in such a way that it made it hard for most of us to hide.

The sun was so bright and her words were crystal, "Do you want a mate, a husband? I mean the right man; The one who gets you; What's wrong with expecting it? I'm done with the pretending. Decide what you want and make room for it." She directed her statements right at us. I quit eating to listen better. The music in the restaurant faded to the back, her words seemed to flood my mind and my patent response for the past three years came to the forefront of my thoughts, "I don't know if I want another man. I've got these dreams, I want to travel, and write and live adventures, and I'm not sure I need a man for that." I didn't say it, but she responded as if she heard me, "I'm not saying you need a savior. I'm talking about a companion, someone share your life with. All of this would be enhanced with him. I'm not lying to myself any more, I'm ready to share my life. If you know what you want then just say it. Let go. Do you want a husband, a man, a male friend, whatever, do you want it?"

Everybody paused. These weren't rhetorical statements, she expected an answer . . .

-MizJAI-

Johari's Window

There is a window that my mother told us about years ago. We were at Women of Faith and she was sharing it with a room full of females, though it is relevant for everyone who wants to learn something about themselves. It stuck with me, Johari's Window: This a psychological tool that basically consist of four window frames

1. The ARENA: what you and others know about you
2. The FACADE: what you know about you and others do not
3. The BLIND SPOT: what others know about you, but you do not
4. The UNKNOWN: what you and others don't know about you

I'll paraphrase her point here: When you live in the Arena and the Facade, you don't think you need people or God. Because what they know about you, you know also. Stubborn people dwell here, "I've been this way my whole life. I don't need you to tell me about me." But that's only 50% of your life. What about the rest?

There is this Blind Spot that others can see, that you do not. The stubbornness, the selfishness, and even the abiding kindness that may take you a decade to notice, was quickly and sometimes painfully recognized by others. The questions are do you want to deal with it and have you surrounded yourself by people that you trust to give you (show you) the truth? And it's not always conversation that reveals it, sometimes situations demonstrate something in your personality that you never really noticed before. And situations involve people. Which brings us here: we can not complete our growth alone. There are things that we can only learn and address as we interact and deal with others. And sometimes those others are family (who've been waiting for you to get real and sometimes it's new friends or strangers that we haven't had a chance to train to tolerate us). Maybe it's time to grow up.

But what about the Unknown? I thought it was scary to have this unrevealed area in my life until my mother explained that this is place where God shows me who I am. This Unknown lets me know that I need something bigger, stronger and wiser than me. I need God. And through this relationship I learn how to let people in and how to grow in-spite of, regardless, no matter what and because . . .

It's time to see ourselves for who we truly are. The Bible calls it sober thoughts. To truly see ourselves means we no longer underestimate or overestimate. We know truth about us and we work it out. In this place you can see your own beauty and embrace it. You can see your own mess and change it. You can be a woman about it and a man for real, because you are willing to do what the average person is not, deal with you. I'll meet you in that place.

-MizJAI-

Hope It Out, Faith It Up!

Hope is the awareness that what we see now is not all there is. Hope is the presence of our best desires and dreams in the forefront of our hearts and minds. Hope causes us to stand, when we usually would fall, because hope reminds us that there is life after today and there is a better way and there is love. Hope speaks to us in the quiet moments, "Listen, this will be OK too, just walk it out and don't ever stop." Hope is the common thread that runs through survivors. But FAITH gives Hope legs. FAITH moves mountains (Mark 11:23). So keep Hope alive, and live by FAITH . . . There is so much more to this.

-MizJAI-

Work It!

You know what? Everybody brings something to the table. It's just a matter of finding out what it is. Many people don't believe this, but it's true: everybody has their own 'sexy,' they just have to find it and play to it. And it's not about size or weight, it's about style and confidence.

There doesn't have to be a silent (and sometimes not so silent) war between skinny girls and thick girls, just go find your own sexy and work the mess out of it. And I don't mean using it to get the attention of inappropriate men (by inappropriate I mean: married, in a relationship, jobless and lazy, high and/or violent, liers, contentious, highly insecure). Finding your sexy is about feeling good in your own skin. Enjoying being who you are. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who works what she has with confidence, grace and a smile. So do you. Live the best version of you. Leave the mess, the attitude, the anger, the fear & the rage on the table because "You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14)." You better recognize!

-MizJAI-

Wrinkles & Such . . .

I couldn't figure this out until I ironed my clothes this morning which made me think of the time that I made a shirt. I imitated a design in a magazine, made the pattern, cut out the fabric and sewed it together all by myself. It was painstaking effort to create something that was presentable in public. Well, after several failed attempts at 'making my own clothes,' I finally had a product that I was looking forward to wearing or seeing my sister wear. It was a gift, a re-creation of a shirt that she saw in Victoria Secret but we couldn't afford at the time. My beautiful gift. All I needed to do want iron it and put it in the box . . . I was tired and should have stopped an gotten back to it later, but I was anxious to finished. I turned the iron on just a little too hot and I scotched the shirt leaving a big brown triangle on my beautiful blue shirt.

We have a few wrinkles in our lives and God has to turn up the heat to get them out, but thankfully, He has a skilled hand and knows just how much we need to smooth out our weaknesses. If it feels a little hot to you, don't worry, some fabrics simply require more heat.

-MizJAI-

We can show, better than we can tell . . .

What if we could see our lives the way God does? If we recognized every problem for what it is, a chance to grow in strength, then couldn't we become more? Being afraid of problems and controlled by fear is so common, most everybody does it. What if we decided to be different, and actually walk in faith? What would happen? How would our lives open up?

We are defined as 'more than conquerors,' meaning we face pain and we over come. As a matter of fact, we come over and bring others along with us. Not that it's always easy. There is a sting inside pain that captivates our souls. For moments it makes us believe that we could drown inside of it. But the truth is (even on our weakest days) we are strong enough to live. This quiet strength demonstrates our faith. It's the walk of our testimony. It's not the showy stuff, the catch phrases, the frozen smiles that reflects the heart of God. It's facing our cross, and like Jesus, coming out of the darkest hell with an army of survivors coming over with us. We don't have to pretend, God truly does meet us at the point of our need. He will meet you there, just seek Him there. That's what it means to be made in his image. We survive and we thrive, and because we win, we cause others to believe that they can win too.

When it's that real, then we don't have to talk so much.

-MizJAI-

Get Into The Flow . . .

'Love as though you've never been hurt before' by Rumi (1273).

It doesn't matter your religion nor your age nor when you lived, there is something in the human spirit that desires beauty and love and freedom and the music of a life lived well. And since God made that human spirit, I urge you to be free and to never live trapped, and then blame it on God.

And when I say freedom, I mean the real kind; where your spirit is no longer confused because you know where home is (in the arms of God). Your soul is alert and alive because you are using all your power and strength and ability and resources to accomplish the righteous dreams that God Himself placed inside you. He has a plan and an order for your growth and your happiness. Pay attention and get into the flow of life.

-MizJAI-

That's Bull & Crap, & You Know It

If we never let go of the dysfunction, and hold onto the wrong men and the wrong women in our lives, just so we can say,

"I got a man"

"I'm not alone"

then we never make room to become something more, someone whole who is worthy of a real love.

Shot, if we keep holding onto "mess," then we never make room to become emotionally sound ourselves, and in our dysfunction we choose the wrong one (over and over again); we stay for the wrong reasons; and should we ever find that 'right one,' because of past heartaches we learn to run when we should stand.

If we never let go of the bull and crap that can exist in broken relationships, then we never become the women and the men who can recognize an emotionally sound and excellent love.

I ask us, "Should every new relationship pay for our old brokenness? And if the answer is no, then what are we going to do about it?"

-MizJAI-

Just enough to frizz a black girls hair . . .

Today is one of those grey days with a soft misty rain. It's just enough to frizz a black girls hair and tickle the tip of her nose. It's beautiful and light akin to Corinne Bailey Rae's at once sad and liberating vocals. It's one of those days that slows you down, mellows you out and makes you thoughtful and retrospective about life and pleasure, pain and progress, dreams and reality, hope and action.

It needs a song to celebrate it. Feel free to leave your ideas below, here's mine:

Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae, sung by Nia. I believe she's four at the time of recording. It's worth a click.

Enjoy.

-MizJAI-

We keep coming back . . .

Sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops in the middle of the day, reminding myself that the grind doesn't have to take me under if I will learn to pace myself. If I could just learn to consistently prioritize my dreams right back into the center of my life, then I know that I can serve longer, live freer, laugh more and walk it out with a grace that the average person doesn't usually demonstrate.



I know that at Gospel Nerve, we keep coming back to freedom and the dream, but without them I'm not sure I would call it 'living.'

-MizJAI-

Hold Up! Wait A Minute!

You remember that phrase, "Anything worth having at all is worth working and waiting for?" I think I first heard it in a song.

We can and will have the lives we want, but it does take time and painful effort, as Solomon puts it. In other words, 'making haste to be rich' can mess you up. For example . . . a man, a woman, your mate is not your financial plan. If we mix our basic needs with how we choose the people we love and marry, then it helps us choose wrong.

We are learning how to build our dreams on purpose; learning how to improve ourselves on purpose. And when I say improvement, I don't just mean our businesses, our finances, our lifestyle, and our children; I mean our attitudes, our conversation, our perceptions. We are on purpose examining ourselves for the reasons behind our choices. We are on purpose allowing God to expose ourselves to ourselves so that we can grow. We are on purpose learning what love truly is so that we can identify it when it touches our lives.

Let's take our time and build it right, for all the right reasons and in a manner that will last into generations to come. Let's leave a legacy of loving hard, choosing well, and building things that really matter, exceptionally.

-MizJAI-

What Are You Waiting On, Someone To Rescue You?

Are you chronically sad and waiting on someone to solve your problem?

Are you consistently overwhelmed and waiting on someone to worry about it for you?

Are you the one with the long face who is secretly upset because everyone seems to ignore your long face?

Maybe you are surrounded by a bunch of self-centered people who just don't care enough about you; or maybe you are surround by a family and friends who are just absorbed in their own lives but who are also waiting on you to take the bull the horn and live your life! What if everyone is not against us, but we are just not for ourselves.

We shape our lives, and though people have opinions about it and fears about how our decisions will affect them, we are still in charge of our own joy. So, what would happen if you became your own knight in shining armor.? What if you turned off the tape of all the reasons why it won't work and turned yourself onto your solution. Every body's situation is different. Chances are there is no one more qualified to fix your life than you and God. You could begin by getting some help to

Address the stinking thinking that holds you back.

Chances are that you are the kind of person who says, "I know how to pray," in a tone of voice that lets the people around you know that you are not only a 'pray-er' but an expert. And they are to never offer you advice in the prayer realm again. You are the champion in this area. You give the advice, not take it. (If you are nodding your head yes, and that's how you feel and act, then there's a problem. Chances are, it's you and not primarily the people you deal with. I would diagnose it as a case of debilitating-I-know-better-than-you-PRIDE! And it's catching, so you need a cure quick! My hospital of choice is a dose of scriptures on pride so that I can know exactly what God thinks about it and sound message from a minister who lives what he/she teaches (that way I don't have to find all the scriptures on my own, because they have done it for me. Now, all I need to do is study it.)

Once you are free of that pride thing, then you can get some stuff done. Pride has an uncanny relationship with fear. Alot of times prideful people are attempting to overcome a real emotional fear with a insincere, sense of power and authority. When the only real power is an overflow of the Love that you tap into. It flows from God right into your spirit and right out into the framework of your life. And through the process of Love, everything in you gets dealt with, and I mean really dealt with. This includes all of our pride issues, all of our fears, all of our desires, all of our pain. The best relationships require honesty, us getting real with our partners, and this time that partner is God. "Yes Lord, I can deal with you dealing me, all of me."

Once we get our minds straight, we can see how to make the impossible a reality as it relates to the business of living the dream.

It's time to recapture our F-R-E-E-D-O-M, get a divorce from our fears, and shut up with all the complaining (and excuses). Let's live, because 'ain't nobody gon' do it for us.

-MizJAI-