If They Could See Me Now

It was like a slow dance with all my worst nightmares. I was angry, jealous, tired and quite a bit out of control. My wildest dreams were the furtherest from becoming my reality, or at least it seemed that way, and I was very close to empty, and then he walks in. I had always hoped that the next time that I saw him, I would be at the top of my game. I would be the star in his sky, so famous that he couldn't hide from the shadow I cast, but instead, I couldn't find the shadow fast enough. I needed a place to hide but he had already seen me.

"Candy, is that you?" I wanted to say, "Que? No entiendo?" but I was certain that he knew it was me and that English is my first language, so I turned and smiled,

"Hi Charles. What a surprise . . ."

I used to live for an emotional revenge. Everyone who has ever hurt me, tossed me aside like I was disposable, disregarded my attention and affection, I held it in my heart knowing that one day they would face me again and I would have my emotional revenge. I mean, on the surface I forgave. Based on what I understood at the time, I forgave. But now I know that to truly let go, I have to release them out of my heart and let me live without this list of people that I need to prove something to.

I know that revenge belongs to God and that the best kind of revenge is good living. It's just that I used put a lot of hope in my "enemies" or "painful others" seeing my good living. But that energy is distracting, redirecting some of the best of me on something that doesn't elevate me. So I decided to let go. That moment described in the beginning of my post happened in my dreams. I awoke, wrote it down, and called it a nightmare. I refuse to live for revenge in any form. Today, I decide to live for something more. I live for the dream, I live for the love, I live for the faith, I live for God. I live . . . for real and for free this time around.

Why don't you make a revenge decision today and live by it from now on. I hope you make a great one.

MizJAI